I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My dick has a subreddit
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
