he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
