I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
