i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
