were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
