Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
