I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
false alarm, still single
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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