If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
