You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
