Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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