i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
