he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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