True but thats because hes a fetus.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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