Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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