Swine flu. Run for my life!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
