Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
