How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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