Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
