Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
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i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
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Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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