sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
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they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
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I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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