i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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