He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think I just sharted jello shots
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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