i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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