Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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