he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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