YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
