maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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