the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
