He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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