I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
