i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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