I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
