Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This is the high leading the old right now
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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