i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
