There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
