i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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