I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How does it feel to date your dad?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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