I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize