We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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