everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
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I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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