so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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