She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
