dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
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I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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