we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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