Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
