He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
