If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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