did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
