I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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