i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
