my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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