Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
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It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
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To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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