not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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