You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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