Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
