You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
