I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
