Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
