so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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