I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
