I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Im part way to drunk.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
