Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
